So I suffer from depression. I am not afraid to admit it, and not ashamed that I take anti-depressants to help manage it. Recently, I had a huge set back, and went spiraling in to the darkness fast and hard. My life was good, for the most part, I have a cute house, a very sweet husband, and two wonderful girls. We have running, dependable cars and enough food and then some. I went into a rough spot, and was not able to face the day, I went to the Dr for help, and the additional pills they put me on made me violently ill. I did miss quite a few days at work. My work was a HUGE source of stress for me, as I was being treated very poorly by one of my co-workers, and in an office of 5, it really affects you. My boss had previously acknowledged it verbally, and knew what was going on, but during my rough spot my boss denied knowing anything of the issues, as a matter of fact she called it "my perceived issues at work", so I did not submit my FMLA paperwork or Dr note, I let her terminate me. Ok, well you could say I quit too as I did not respond to any of her text messages once she lied.
Once I made the decision that I would no longer allow my work to drag me down and decided to move on there was a HUGE sense of relief. I could feel the darkness slip back a little, and then it dawned on me, that perhaps, that was the trigger, being harassed by a coworker for 6 months and walking on egg shells took a harder emotional toll on me than I thought. I started a new job last week, and LOVE it! Granted, yes, I took a pay cut, but I suppose you could say it is well worth it. My depression is back in check, and the stress has ebbed, and I realize that my old boss, and coworker were really taking their toll on me. My boss's husband had some personal issues that she brought to the office repeatedly and allowed it to affect us all, as well as the constant financial issues, and lack of sales for her regions were really stressing. Now, it is gone. I work for a large company, that is very stable, and I wont have to deal with an unreasonable employer.
I know it is not as always as simple as changing your job, or something in your life to help your depression. I do take medicine for my depression, and I have even quit drinking to help manage my depression. I have struggled with this my whole life, and will continue to struggle for the rest of my life. I manage it the best I can, and I try to get help when I feel myself getting too close to the precipice of darkness, I try to keep myself from slipping over that edge and spiraling down to the darkest recesses of my depression. I know that suicide is not an option, and I know that when those thoughts start haunting my brain that I have to reach out for help. Whether it be talking to my Dr, my husband, my mom, or my friends, I have to reach out. Once I get that low, it is very hard to climb back out, and I have a beautiful family waiting at the top, so I MUST gather the strength the get to the top of my emotional mountain, and to stay there.
If you ever feel alone, and in the dark, reach out for help. There are people out there who know how you feel, people who understand, and who will be glad to give you their hand and help pull you out. Never give up, and know that you will feel the sun on your face again.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
Rumchata and cupcakes, mmmmmm!
If you have Internet access you may have seen the recipe for Rumchata Cupcakes going around. Well, I love to bake, so I tried it out and YUM! The cupcakes were pretty good too! Until I saw the recipe as it flooded facebook and pinterest I had never heard of Rumchata, and needed help in the liquor store locating it. Once I got it home, Hubby and I eyed the bottle and decided to give it a taste, after all, you want to make sure your ingredients for cupcakes are good. And WOW, it is yummy. Anyhow, I digress, the cupcakes turned out great, they were very good, with a strong cinnamon overtone. The frosting on the other hand leaves much to be desired. The cream cheese flavor is too heavy, and makes the frosting too rich, and masks the flavor of the Rumchata in the mix. I even doubled the amount called for, and it still was lost in the strong cream cheese flavors. So I have decided I will have to make these again, however, this time I am going to use my own frosting recipe. I make champagne cupcakes and I am going to use the butter cream recipe frosting for those, but instead of champagne substitute Rumchatta. I am certain that the flavor will shine through in that frosting and will take these already delicious cupcakes to a whole new level.
I am going to add a link to the pin for the cupcakes and will update this post once I have made these again with the modified frosting recipe, and will share that as well. (assuming it turns out as great as I imagine it will.)
Rumchata Cupcakes
I am going to add a link to the pin for the cupcakes and will update this post once I have made these again with the modified frosting recipe, and will share that as well. (assuming it turns out as great as I imagine it will.)
Rumchata Cupcakes
Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best!
So once again we are in the hunt for new daycare. I hate it! I am one of those Mommy's that wish I could stay home and care for my girls, but alas, we can not afford it. So we pay for daycare.
Our first provider was great, Alex started there at 3 months, and we could not have been happier. Kara loved our little girl and took such great care of her. But things changed and they moved out of state.
The search for a new daycare at that point was somewhat traumatic for me. Interviewing people that just were not as good as Kara, could not live up to the high bar that she had set. We found one provider that had a pack of toddlers close to Alex's age, but we found out the spouse who would be on premises while my daughter was had a violent criminal past, including pending domestic violence charges at the time we interviewed them. (I love that they conveniently forgot to mention this during the interview.) Anyhow, that really soured me and made the process very stressful for me. That there were state registered people who had violent criminal history.
We did wind up finding a few good providers, but one in particular stood out to us. Ms Holly, she was GREAT! Alex loved her, so much so, that she asks to go there on weekends and every chance she gets. They sing, dance, read stories, so crafts, and occasionally have a movie day. Alexi is really blossoming under her care. But, again, things change, and Ms Holly was not filling her daycare spots, and decided to accept a job in the human services field. (I can not blame her, she has a degree in it, and she is great with people.)
I am disheartened and saddened by the fact that we will be up heaving our young daughter's life once again. I realize that children are resilient, and that they don't have a long-term memory at this age, but it still take time to get through and past the change. Last time we changed (in August) it was the worst 2 weeks ever! Alex was moody, and screamed and cried every time I dropped her off. That resulted in me crying all the way to work, and being moody all day. She was very temperamental all night, and would throw a tantrum of a piece of hair falling in her face. It was so hard on all of us. But eventually it turned around and she went back to her usual terrible twos self. When we made a small change a couple of months ago we experienced a complete regression in potty training. She flat out refused to even try to pee pee on the big girl potty. We lost all ground, and had the moody little girl throwing tantrums at the drop of a dime.
We are preparing for the worst, we are prefacing all daycare interviews with the fact that changes will cause her to regress, that she will be moody, shy and a little withdrawn for the first few weeks. Once she feels like she fits in she will be outgoing, talkative, and fun. But until then it will be hard on all of us. So far no one we interviewed seemed to think it was a big deal, one of the candidates even went as far to say if we tell her Alex's favorite foods/snacks/drinks/movies/games, she will make sure to have them all available for the first few weeks, until she has adapted to the change. Anything to make it easier on the child. (I think she is the lead candidate at this point.) But, maybe, Alex will surprise us, and will handle this change with ease, maybe she will flourish in a new environment, and will show her fun and funny personality from the start. I guess at this point it is a wait and see game, but we will hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
Wish us luck in this change!
Here is Alex on one of her "moody" days. (I am prepared to see this for a few weeks during the transition.)
Our first provider was great, Alex started there at 3 months, and we could not have been happier. Kara loved our little girl and took such great care of her. But things changed and they moved out of state.
The search for a new daycare at that point was somewhat traumatic for me. Interviewing people that just were not as good as Kara, could not live up to the high bar that she had set. We found one provider that had a pack of toddlers close to Alex's age, but we found out the spouse who would be on premises while my daughter was had a violent criminal past, including pending domestic violence charges at the time we interviewed them. (I love that they conveniently forgot to mention this during the interview.) Anyhow, that really soured me and made the process very stressful for me. That there were state registered people who had violent criminal history.
We did wind up finding a few good providers, but one in particular stood out to us. Ms Holly, she was GREAT! Alex loved her, so much so, that she asks to go there on weekends and every chance she gets. They sing, dance, read stories, so crafts, and occasionally have a movie day. Alexi is really blossoming under her care. But, again, things change, and Ms Holly was not filling her daycare spots, and decided to accept a job in the human services field. (I can not blame her, she has a degree in it, and she is great with people.)
I am disheartened and saddened by the fact that we will be up heaving our young daughter's life once again. I realize that children are resilient, and that they don't have a long-term memory at this age, but it still take time to get through and past the change. Last time we changed (in August) it was the worst 2 weeks ever! Alex was moody, and screamed and cried every time I dropped her off. That resulted in me crying all the way to work, and being moody all day. She was very temperamental all night, and would throw a tantrum of a piece of hair falling in her face. It was so hard on all of us. But eventually it turned around and she went back to her usual terrible twos self. When we made a small change a couple of months ago we experienced a complete regression in potty training. She flat out refused to even try to pee pee on the big girl potty. We lost all ground, and had the moody little girl throwing tantrums at the drop of a dime.
We are preparing for the worst, we are prefacing all daycare interviews with the fact that changes will cause her to regress, that she will be moody, shy and a little withdrawn for the first few weeks. Once she feels like she fits in she will be outgoing, talkative, and fun. But until then it will be hard on all of us. So far no one we interviewed seemed to think it was a big deal, one of the candidates even went as far to say if we tell her Alex's favorite foods/snacks/drinks/movies/games, she will make sure to have them all available for the first few weeks, until she has adapted to the change. Anything to make it easier on the child. (I think she is the lead candidate at this point.) But, maybe, Alex will surprise us, and will handle this change with ease, maybe she will flourish in a new environment, and will show her fun and funny personality from the start. I guess at this point it is a wait and see game, but we will hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
Wish us luck in this change!
Here is Alex on one of her "moody" days. (I am prepared to see this for a few weeks during the transition.)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Manic Morning Madness...
The last three mornings in a row have been crazy at my house. It has just been Alex and I (Renee is at her mom's house, and Hubby is at work.) and she is not a morning person at ALL!
Monday was horrible, it started with Alex waking up super crabby, and refusing to get dressed, go potty, brush her teeth, let me brush her hair. UGH, I was late for work (again) because it seemed like every 3 minutes I had to just walk away, let her tantrum run its course, and then go back and try again. It took what seemed like an eternity to get her ready to leave the house and get to daycare. Once we arrived at daycare it was quite the scene. After a power struggle all morning, as soon as it was time for me to walk out the door she wanted nothing but to snuggle me and cling to me. I had to walk away to the sounds of her screaming and howling "Mommy, I want my Mommy!" I cried on the way to work.
Tuesday was no better. Alex woke up early, way too early. She was up when I got up to get in the shower. Luckily I was at least able to shower in peace as she just laid in bed slowly waking up while I showered. BUT as soon as I stepped out of the shower the theatrics began. Alex decided she did not want to do ANYTHING, but sit on her bedroom floor, and I had to stand in there with her. I was not allowed to sit, as that caused a tantrum, I was not allowed to get her clothes out, as that caused a tantrum, and I was not allowed to try to talk to her, as that caused a tantrum. So being the mean mommy, I walked away, and she began screaming, growling, and bawling hysterically. You would have thought I was leaving forever, not just starting that crucial pot of coffee. I spent more time walking away from my daughter than I did with her because there was no talking to her, no reasoning, and no getting her ready. Eventually she did pee pee on the big girl potty (woohoo! At least one good thing) and then once I told her she could not take her favorite DVD to daycare if she did not get dressed, she did dress herself. I did have to walk away though, because a tantrum to end all tantrums ensued. I had a headache before I was up even 30 minutes. I did eventually get her ready to go, and to daycare, but was completely exhausted by time I dropped her off. It was a quick easy good-bye yesterday.
Today (Wednesday) was draining as well. She woke up and stood on the top stair and declared "Nap time ova!" Alex was all smiles and grins. I got a HUGE hug and kiss good morning, and then it quickly went down hill. She sat on the big girl potty, but could not go, and was traumatized! She gets rewards when she uses the potty, we have a bag of kid jewelry she gets to pick a piece from every time she goes. But by the sogginess of her diaper I was guessing she had just peed in her sleep. She was pushing so hard to get some pee out, that I thought she might poo on the potty instead, but no, after she got no results she threw herself off of the toilet, launched her bracelet across the room, and slammed the toilet shut and began screaming. After she calmed down I explained that because she tried so hard to potty she would still get a piece of jewelry. And that calmed her down, but only for a minute. The rest of the morning went pretty much like Monday and Tuesday. She would not get dressed, would not allow me to talk to her, or even walk away from her. Finally in exasperation I threw my hands in the air and said "Fine, don't get dressed, you can go to daycare in your PJ's." That worked she got dressed, and when I grabbed the hair brush I got hit in the face for my efforts. I scolded her, walked away to calm myself down, and tried again, only to get popped in the face again. We do not condone hitting (although we have spanked her when she does something super dangerous, and continues to do it even after time-outs.) I scolded her, attempted to put her in time-out and again walked away. As I walked away I heard a vicious scream, saw her jump up and down, and then my heart stopped. Alex lost her balance and fell down the stairs. Her little head hit the wall, and she tumbled down 3 or 4 stairs. I ran to her scooped her up and turned on Curious George (if she stops crying for him, I know she is not hurt badly, if she keeps screaming/crying I know it is serious.) she stopped crying and cuddled up to me. We sat on the couch holding each other for at least 5 minutes. When it was time to go the drama started all over again. She refused to put her boots on, hurling them across the room. Anyhow, by time we were at daycare I felt as if I had spent the last 8 hours wrestling alligators. Daycare drop off was traumatic again, and I left to her screaming and begging me not to leave. I had to call Hubby to vent and have him calm me down and reassure me that I was doing the best I can.
The manic, moody, madness in the mornings has me very introspective. I am doubting my parenting skills, I mean if I wasn't doing something terribly wrong she would not behave like this would she? Maybe I was too lax on her as an infant trying to avoid the word "No", and trying to allow her to explore her world and learn from trial an error. Maybe I am not patient enough, and I walk away too soon, or maybe I am not walking away quickly enough. Maybe I did not eat enough of a balanced diet while pregnant or nursing. Maybe I am not making her eat enough of the right foods now. I feel like I am failing at parenting, and failing my daughter. I love my Alex more than anything in the world, but how can I be doing right by her if she is hitting, throwing tantrums, throwing things, etc... I have not done a good enough job teaching her coping skills, or teaching her how to vent her frustrations in a non-violent way. I suppose I had better get used to this, as my mom tells it you will always feel that any shortcomings your child has are because of faults of your own. Not that it is true, but apparently, it is just how parents feel.
Monday was horrible, it started with Alex waking up super crabby, and refusing to get dressed, go potty, brush her teeth, let me brush her hair. UGH, I was late for work (again) because it seemed like every 3 minutes I had to just walk away, let her tantrum run its course, and then go back and try again. It took what seemed like an eternity to get her ready to leave the house and get to daycare. Once we arrived at daycare it was quite the scene. After a power struggle all morning, as soon as it was time for me to walk out the door she wanted nothing but to snuggle me and cling to me. I had to walk away to the sounds of her screaming and howling "Mommy, I want my Mommy!" I cried on the way to work.
Tuesday was no better. Alex woke up early, way too early. She was up when I got up to get in the shower. Luckily I was at least able to shower in peace as she just laid in bed slowly waking up while I showered. BUT as soon as I stepped out of the shower the theatrics began. Alex decided she did not want to do ANYTHING, but sit on her bedroom floor, and I had to stand in there with her. I was not allowed to sit, as that caused a tantrum, I was not allowed to get her clothes out, as that caused a tantrum, and I was not allowed to try to talk to her, as that caused a tantrum. So being the mean mommy, I walked away, and she began screaming, growling, and bawling hysterically. You would have thought I was leaving forever, not just starting that crucial pot of coffee. I spent more time walking away from my daughter than I did with her because there was no talking to her, no reasoning, and no getting her ready. Eventually she did pee pee on the big girl potty (woohoo! At least one good thing) and then once I told her she could not take her favorite DVD to daycare if she did not get dressed, she did dress herself. I did have to walk away though, because a tantrum to end all tantrums ensued. I had a headache before I was up even 30 minutes. I did eventually get her ready to go, and to daycare, but was completely exhausted by time I dropped her off. It was a quick easy good-bye yesterday.
Today (Wednesday) was draining as well. She woke up and stood on the top stair and declared "Nap time ova!" Alex was all smiles and grins. I got a HUGE hug and kiss good morning, and then it quickly went down hill. She sat on the big girl potty, but could not go, and was traumatized! She gets rewards when she uses the potty, we have a bag of kid jewelry she gets to pick a piece from every time she goes. But by the sogginess of her diaper I was guessing she had just peed in her sleep. She was pushing so hard to get some pee out, that I thought she might poo on the potty instead, but no, after she got no results she threw herself off of the toilet, launched her bracelet across the room, and slammed the toilet shut and began screaming. After she calmed down I explained that because she tried so hard to potty she would still get a piece of jewelry. And that calmed her down, but only for a minute. The rest of the morning went pretty much like Monday and Tuesday. She would not get dressed, would not allow me to talk to her, or even walk away from her. Finally in exasperation I threw my hands in the air and said "Fine, don't get dressed, you can go to daycare in your PJ's." That worked she got dressed, and when I grabbed the hair brush I got hit in the face for my efforts. I scolded her, walked away to calm myself down, and tried again, only to get popped in the face again. We do not condone hitting (although we have spanked her when she does something super dangerous, and continues to do it even after time-outs.) I scolded her, attempted to put her in time-out and again walked away. As I walked away I heard a vicious scream, saw her jump up and down, and then my heart stopped. Alex lost her balance and fell down the stairs. Her little head hit the wall, and she tumbled down 3 or 4 stairs. I ran to her scooped her up and turned on Curious George (if she stops crying for him, I know she is not hurt badly, if she keeps screaming/crying I know it is serious.) she stopped crying and cuddled up to me. We sat on the couch holding each other for at least 5 minutes. When it was time to go the drama started all over again. She refused to put her boots on, hurling them across the room. Anyhow, by time we were at daycare I felt as if I had spent the last 8 hours wrestling alligators. Daycare drop off was traumatic again, and I left to her screaming and begging me not to leave. I had to call Hubby to vent and have him calm me down and reassure me that I was doing the best I can.
The manic, moody, madness in the mornings has me very introspective. I am doubting my parenting skills, I mean if I wasn't doing something terribly wrong she would not behave like this would she? Maybe I was too lax on her as an infant trying to avoid the word "No", and trying to allow her to explore her world and learn from trial an error. Maybe I am not patient enough, and I walk away too soon, or maybe I am not walking away quickly enough. Maybe I did not eat enough of a balanced diet while pregnant or nursing. Maybe I am not making her eat enough of the right foods now. I feel like I am failing at parenting, and failing my daughter. I love my Alex more than anything in the world, but how can I be doing right by her if she is hitting, throwing tantrums, throwing things, etc... I have not done a good enough job teaching her coping skills, or teaching her how to vent her frustrations in a non-violent way. I suppose I had better get used to this, as my mom tells it you will always feel that any shortcomings your child has are because of faults of your own. Not that it is true, but apparently, it is just how parents feel.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Aww isn't she cute! (funny things my daughter says)
This one will be an ever evolving list of all of the hilarious, albeit sometimes embarrassing things my toddler says.
Alex- 2&1/2 We were out to dinner when a man with a white beard sat at the table across from ours and she yells "Mommy is that Santa Clause?" The white beard was the only resemblance of Santa.
Alex 2&1/2 We are in the Walmart parking lot and Scott is trying to remove her from her car seat, she yells "No, I want mommy to get me." Scott replies "Too bad, I am here and I am the boss." she then makes a face that means a good retort is coming so Scott continues "I am the big boss, what I say goes, even if you are the little boss." To which Alex responds "I am the small boss!" (we just about died laughing)
Alex 2&1/2 I am in the kitchen baking/cooking, I don't remember, and Scott is standing in there talking to me, when we hear "OK, everybody hold on tight!" and we rush out to see her at the top of the stairs with her grocery cart packed with stuffed animals about to push it down. Scott talks her down and we return to the kitchen, and not 30 seconds later we hear a loud crashing and Alex yells "I did it Daddy, I did it!"
Alex 2&1/2 - Hubby and I gave her a happy meal, that had a tiara in it. I unwrapped the tiara and handed to her and she exclaimed "It's so wonderful! Why thank you so very much! It is beautiful!" We both cracked up laughing.
Alex 35 months - We are at a buffet, Alex has green beans, mac n cheese, and corn on her plate. I was eating fries and put ketchup on my plate and Alex says " I need some too," So I ask "What are you going to put ketchup on?" She very seriously says "On my plate!" I cracked up laughing.
Alex- 2&1/2 We were out to dinner when a man with a white beard sat at the table across from ours and she yells "Mommy is that Santa Clause?" The white beard was the only resemblance of Santa.
Alex 2&1/2 We are in the Walmart parking lot and Scott is trying to remove her from her car seat, she yells "No, I want mommy to get me." Scott replies "Too bad, I am here and I am the boss." she then makes a face that means a good retort is coming so Scott continues "I am the big boss, what I say goes, even if you are the little boss." To which Alex responds "I am the small boss!" (we just about died laughing)
Alex 2&1/2 I am in the kitchen baking/cooking, I don't remember, and Scott is standing in there talking to me, when we hear "OK, everybody hold on tight!" and we rush out to see her at the top of the stairs with her grocery cart packed with stuffed animals about to push it down. Scott talks her down and we return to the kitchen, and not 30 seconds later we hear a loud crashing and Alex yells "I did it Daddy, I did it!"
Alex 2&1/2 - Hubby and I gave her a happy meal, that had a tiara in it. I unwrapped the tiara and handed to her and she exclaimed "It's so wonderful! Why thank you so very much! It is beautiful!" We both cracked up laughing.
Alex 35 months - We are at a buffet, Alex has green beans, mac n cheese, and corn on her plate. I was eating fries and put ketchup on my plate and Alex says " I need some too," So I ask "What are you going to put ketchup on?" She very seriously says "On my plate!" I cracked up laughing.
Background...
I suppose I should introduce myself, and give a little background so anyone following me will know enough to follow along.
My name is Rae, yes it is a nickname, I am 32 (I can not believe I am past 30) and am married to a wonderful man, Scott, who is 38. We have a very stubborn, ornery, cute and feisty 2&1/2 year old daughter Alex. We also Renee who is 14 and is my step-daughter, although I love her like my own. Renee is a great girl, but is a typical teenager, so we have our struggles.
I grew up in a small town, and like living in a small town. We live in the 'burbs so we are close to all the good stuff, but far enough away to feel safe in our community. We live close to my immediate family, consisting of: my mom and dad, my brother and his wife, their two kids, my sister and her husband, and their two kids. My Brother is a proud Daddy to an 11 year old girl and a 1 & 1/2 year old boy. My sister dotes on her 11 year old boy and her 8 year old boy. (I can not believe how fast they grow up!) My husband's family mostly lives in the QC, and Chicago area. We do try to visit and keep in touch as best we can. He is the youngest of 5, and I am sure I will get in to all of the dynamics sooner or later, but it is a rather large family, and honestly, I am not sure of all of the ages (I can get a close ball-park), but listing it all out will take a while, so for now, I am going to skip it.
As I said we reside in a small town and are living out the American dream. We both work full time, and just get by, we have two amazing girls, two cats and a large dog. Our house is nothing fancy, and not all that big, but it is our home, and we love it. (Except for the lack of storage space.) We get along with our neighbors and live in a quite neighborhood. The school district is great, and there are plenty of churches to choose from. The parks are all pretty nice, and most are kept up fairly well. My favorite has to be the park beside the library.
Now on to daily life...Scott works full time, and has to be to work at an unholy hour in the morning. He is usually at work by 5:00-5:30am, and typically gets off by 2:30-3:00pm, but there are plenty of times that he is not home until after 5:00pm. He doesn't love his job, but he doesn't hate it either, so I would say he is just like most of the other working class stiffs out there. I also work full time, but I am the traditional 8:00am to 5:00pm. I start every morning off with getting my girls up and around and out the door to school and daycare. Renee, is pretty self-sufficient in the mornings, which is a big help, and some mornings will even try to get Alex to behave for me. Alex is not a morning person and we have a power struggle pretty much every morning. I am usually pretty exhausted by time I get to work. I enjoy my job, and most of my co-workers. Being in an office of 5 (including me) has its perks as well as its pains. Did I mention all of my co-workers are women too? For the most part we all get along and have a lot of fun, and I really do enjoy my job.
On weekdays, I get off work, go home make dinner, while talking with Scott while he tries to keep an eye on Alex. Then we eat, watch TV, talk, play, then bathe Alex, and start bed-time routine. She is at a point where she is starting to fight sleep, and keeps getting out of bed every night. It does get frustrating, especially on those super busy nights where the hour-hour and a half after she goes to bed is my only wind down time. But we deal with it.
There are variations to our routine, I bake on the side for fun and extra "fun" money. So there are nights or weekends where I have to try to balance my time between working, cooking, baking, caring for my children, and spending time with my husband. Weeknight baking gigs are the hardest to balance. Cheesecake orders are easier, their prep time is not too bad, and they bake for about an hour. Cupcakes are a little more time consuming getting them rotated in and out of the oven, cooling then frosting or decorating them. But there is something very cathartic about making those desserts. When Lexi wants to help, I get a little distracted, but when she is busy playing catch, watching her favorite movies, coloring, or doing any other two year old fun stuff, I get a chance to think as I bake or decorate. I am on auto pilot when in the kitchen, and it gives me time to sort through my day, my week, and to calm my ever racing mind. I can day dream, play games on my phone, or read between the oven timer going off. I also get to be creative and try new things frequently. OK, I can really go on and on about this forever, so you will see many blog entries about baking in here too.
My life is busy and hectic, my kids can be brats, and my husband can be careless with his words, I can be a little short-tempered, and our pets frequently drive us crazy, but I would not change it for the world. I am doing the best I can at life, and at parenting. I make mistakes and I don't always do what the "professionals" suggest or even what is popular in parenting circles, but I do what is right for me and my family. I am being a mommy my way.
My beautiful family.
My name is Rae, yes it is a nickname, I am 32 (I can not believe I am past 30) and am married to a wonderful man, Scott, who is 38. We have a very stubborn, ornery, cute and feisty 2&1/2 year old daughter Alex. We also Renee who is 14 and is my step-daughter, although I love her like my own. Renee is a great girl, but is a typical teenager, so we have our struggles.
I grew up in a small town, and like living in a small town. We live in the 'burbs so we are close to all the good stuff, but far enough away to feel safe in our community. We live close to my immediate family, consisting of: my mom and dad, my brother and his wife, their two kids, my sister and her husband, and their two kids. My Brother is a proud Daddy to an 11 year old girl and a 1 & 1/2 year old boy. My sister dotes on her 11 year old boy and her 8 year old boy. (I can not believe how fast they grow up!) My husband's family mostly lives in the QC, and Chicago area. We do try to visit and keep in touch as best we can. He is the youngest of 5, and I am sure I will get in to all of the dynamics sooner or later, but it is a rather large family, and honestly, I am not sure of all of the ages (I can get a close ball-park), but listing it all out will take a while, so for now, I am going to skip it.
As I said we reside in a small town and are living out the American dream. We both work full time, and just get by, we have two amazing girls, two cats and a large dog. Our house is nothing fancy, and not all that big, but it is our home, and we love it. (Except for the lack of storage space.) We get along with our neighbors and live in a quite neighborhood. The school district is great, and there are plenty of churches to choose from. The parks are all pretty nice, and most are kept up fairly well. My favorite has to be the park beside the library.
Now on to daily life...Scott works full time, and has to be to work at an unholy hour in the morning. He is usually at work by 5:00-5:30am, and typically gets off by 2:30-3:00pm, but there are plenty of times that he is not home until after 5:00pm. He doesn't love his job, but he doesn't hate it either, so I would say he is just like most of the other working class stiffs out there. I also work full time, but I am the traditional 8:00am to 5:00pm. I start every morning off with getting my girls up and around and out the door to school and daycare. Renee, is pretty self-sufficient in the mornings, which is a big help, and some mornings will even try to get Alex to behave for me. Alex is not a morning person and we have a power struggle pretty much every morning. I am usually pretty exhausted by time I get to work. I enjoy my job, and most of my co-workers. Being in an office of 5 (including me) has its perks as well as its pains. Did I mention all of my co-workers are women too? For the most part we all get along and have a lot of fun, and I really do enjoy my job.
On weekdays, I get off work, go home make dinner, while talking with Scott while he tries to keep an eye on Alex. Then we eat, watch TV, talk, play, then bathe Alex, and start bed-time routine. She is at a point where she is starting to fight sleep, and keeps getting out of bed every night. It does get frustrating, especially on those super busy nights where the hour-hour and a half after she goes to bed is my only wind down time. But we deal with it.
There are variations to our routine, I bake on the side for fun and extra "fun" money. So there are nights or weekends where I have to try to balance my time between working, cooking, baking, caring for my children, and spending time with my husband. Weeknight baking gigs are the hardest to balance. Cheesecake orders are easier, their prep time is not too bad, and they bake for about an hour. Cupcakes are a little more time consuming getting them rotated in and out of the oven, cooling then frosting or decorating them. But there is something very cathartic about making those desserts. When Lexi wants to help, I get a little distracted, but when she is busy playing catch, watching her favorite movies, coloring, or doing any other two year old fun stuff, I get a chance to think as I bake or decorate. I am on auto pilot when in the kitchen, and it gives me time to sort through my day, my week, and to calm my ever racing mind. I can day dream, play games on my phone, or read between the oven timer going off. I also get to be creative and try new things frequently. OK, I can really go on and on about this forever, so you will see many blog entries about baking in here too.
My life is busy and hectic, my kids can be brats, and my husband can be careless with his words, I can be a little short-tempered, and our pets frequently drive us crazy, but I would not change it for the world. I am doing the best I can at life, and at parenting. I make mistakes and I don't always do what the "professionals" suggest or even what is popular in parenting circles, but I do what is right for me and my family. I am being a mommy my way.
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