The last three mornings in a row have been crazy at my house. It has just been Alex and I (Renee is at her mom's house, and Hubby is at work.) and she is not a morning person at ALL!
Monday was horrible, it started with Alex waking up super crabby, and refusing to get dressed, go potty, brush her teeth, let me brush her hair. UGH, I was late for work (again) because it seemed like every 3 minutes I had to just walk away, let her tantrum run its course, and then go back and try again. It took what seemed like an eternity to get her ready to leave the house and get to daycare. Once we arrived at daycare it was quite the scene. After a power struggle all morning, as soon as it was time for me to walk out the door she wanted nothing but to snuggle me and cling to me. I had to walk away to the sounds of her screaming and howling "Mommy, I want my Mommy!" I cried on the way to work.
Tuesday was no better. Alex woke up early, way too early. She was up when I got up to get in the shower. Luckily I was at least able to shower in peace as she just laid in bed slowly waking up while I showered. BUT as soon as I stepped out of the shower the theatrics began. Alex decided she did not want to do ANYTHING, but sit on her bedroom floor, and I had to stand in there with her. I was not allowed to sit, as that caused a tantrum, I was not allowed to get her clothes out, as that caused a tantrum, and I was not allowed to try to talk to her, as that caused a tantrum. So being the mean mommy, I walked away, and she began screaming, growling, and bawling hysterically. You would have thought I was leaving forever, not just starting that crucial pot of coffee. I spent more time walking away from my daughter than I did with her because there was no talking to her, no reasoning, and no getting her ready. Eventually she did pee pee on the big girl potty (woohoo! At least one good thing) and then once I told her she could not take her favorite DVD to daycare if she did not get dressed, she did dress herself. I did have to walk away though, because a tantrum to end all tantrums ensued. I had a headache before I was up even 30 minutes. I did eventually get her ready to go, and to daycare, but was completely exhausted by time I dropped her off. It was a quick easy good-bye yesterday.
Today (Wednesday) was draining as well. She woke up and stood on the top stair and declared "Nap time ova!" Alex was all smiles and grins. I got a HUGE hug and kiss good morning, and then it quickly went down hill. She sat on the big girl potty, but could not go, and was traumatized! She gets rewards when she uses the potty, we have a bag of kid jewelry she gets to pick a piece from every time she goes. But by the sogginess of her diaper I was guessing she had just peed in her sleep. She was pushing so hard to get some pee out, that I thought she might poo on the potty instead, but no, after she got no results she threw herself off of the toilet, launched her bracelet across the room, and slammed the toilet shut and began screaming. After she calmed down I explained that because she tried so hard to potty she would still get a piece of jewelry. And that calmed her down, but only for a minute. The rest of the morning went pretty much like Monday and Tuesday. She would not get dressed, would not allow me to talk to her, or even walk away from her. Finally in exasperation I threw my hands in the air and said "Fine, don't get dressed, you can go to daycare in your PJ's." That worked she got dressed, and when I grabbed the hair brush I got hit in the face for my efforts. I scolded her, walked away to calm myself down, and tried again, only to get popped in the face again. We do not condone hitting (although we have spanked her when she does something super dangerous, and continues to do it even after time-outs.) I scolded her, attempted to put her in time-out and again walked away. As I walked away I heard a vicious scream, saw her jump up and down, and then my heart stopped. Alex lost her balance and fell down the stairs. Her little head hit the wall, and she tumbled down 3 or 4 stairs. I ran to her scooped her up and turned on Curious George (if she stops crying for him, I know she is not hurt badly, if she keeps screaming/crying I know it is serious.) she stopped crying and cuddled up to me. We sat on the couch holding each other for at least 5 minutes. When it was time to go the drama started all over again. She refused to put her boots on, hurling them across the room. Anyhow, by time we were at daycare I felt as if I had spent the last 8 hours wrestling alligators. Daycare drop off was traumatic again, and I left to her screaming and begging me not to leave. I had to call Hubby to vent and have him calm me down and reassure me that I was doing the best I can.
The manic, moody, madness in the mornings has me very introspective. I am doubting my parenting skills, I mean if I wasn't doing something terribly wrong she would not behave like this would she? Maybe I was too lax on her as an infant trying to avoid the word "No", and trying to allow her to explore her world and learn from trial an error. Maybe I am not patient enough, and I walk away too soon, or maybe I am not walking away quickly enough. Maybe I did not eat enough of a balanced diet while pregnant or nursing. Maybe I am not making her eat enough of the right foods now. I feel like I am failing at parenting, and failing my daughter. I love my Alex more than anything in the world, but how can I be doing right by her if she is hitting, throwing tantrums, throwing things, etc... I have not done a good enough job teaching her coping skills, or teaching her how to vent her frustrations in a non-violent way. I suppose I had better get used to this, as my mom tells it you will always feel that any shortcomings your child has are because of faults of your own. Not that it is true, but apparently, it is just how parents feel.
